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Q&A: bad fathers day weekend with the hubby….?

19 August 2011 13 Responses

Question by : So, my hubby and I just got in a fight and I dont know what to do about tomorrow. This all started when his mother called me to complain about the way I was treating his son, my stepson. I replied to her saying that I was not only disciplining him but that I was being consistent. She then called my hubby and talked who knows what about me and made my hubby upset. He got home that day after work and basically blamed me for the game the child plays. This kid is lazy and a liar. He has stollen my watch and my wedding ring and no one ever told him anything. I noticed this behavior from the time i met him. His father of course doesnt belive he is a bad kid, nor do i. But i do agree that he needs to be told this is wrong. This attitude is not acceptable. Last night my hubby and i made plans to go eat breakfast for fathers day and thats where we were going to give him his gift. My son made him a coffee mug. His son made him a clay figurine. Today, his aunt called and invited us over……….
his aunt invited us over and he told me that thats what we were going to do. I dont mind that he wants to see his family its his day but i do mind that he cancelled our plans as a family and not even considered my opinion. We are currently repainting our bathroom and living roon. He has made comments of how he wishes someone could help him, which made me feel useless. His aunt offered to help and he accepted. The next step was that they were going to decide on what color and they were going together to buy it..i felt excluded so i left the room. Now he is upset because he thinks i have a problem with his family, i dont its him that excludes me in any desicions he makes that upsets me….what to do about tomorrow? should i go my way and visit my dad or should i still go with him to his mothers
i do not treat my stepson differently. i am the one who takes care of him mainly because my husband works out of town. the only reason i mentions step son now is becasuse his mom and my husband have made it clear that i am only a step in his life and i should keep my distance leaving room for the real mother, who by the way doesnt give about the child. i was offended by this attitude but i gave in. now there is no respect from the child or my hubbys mother…i dont even know how to act around the child or anyone, i feel like everything i do is wrong and will be critized no matter what

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13 Responses »

  • HatingF8 said:


    I don’t understand the question.

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  • Karina said:


    If you and hubby are in a fight, just tell him to take the kids to a movie for fathers day while you stay home and vacuum.

    Go to your fathers

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  • Anna Banana said:


    Visit your dad. He’s acting like a jerk right now. Why go if everyone will be unhappy anyway?

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  • sitinhere said:


    You have to talk to him, ask him if the original plans are still on for tomorrow, try and make peace because it seems that he is under a lot of stress, so are you, next time his mother calls remind her and your husband that you are now his parent and care giver, if his Mother has issues with that and thinks that she can do a better job then come pick him up.

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  • darkling said:


    I think what you are trying to say is that his relationship with his family makes you feel excluded from your own supposedly primary relationship with your husband and family. And i think you are right. He is allowing this to happen. I mean him and his aunt are deciding on what color to paint your house!!!! that is so inappropriate it should be you and him deciding. Maybe he wanted you to help paint but that is not really the point. Also how you and your hubby disicipline your children is also between you too. You need to sit down and have a serious chat with him about how he sees your position in his life. Good luck.

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  • Iris said:


    Let the kids go with him and try and talk to him. He did agree to go with you and the children for breakfast so why can’t he do that first? And for the painting try and tell him that you want to help and that maybe it might be a good thing for you two to do together as a couple.

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  • typical not me said:


    You visit your dad and let him visit his.
    As far as the paint thing….I would not have left the room. I would have stayed and said ”NO I don’t like that color”…or better yet…”Well ___(husband) and I can talk about it later” or
    Tell you husband that you and him should go to the paint store and get samples to bring home.
    People cannot walk on you unless you let them.
    Personally I think that step parents should not be doing the disiplining. That is up to the biological parent.
    Unless the child is very young and the step parent is caring for the child alone.
    Edit: I learned a long time ago that this blending of in laws is not necessary. You don’t have to like his parents and family and he does not have to like yours. The important thing is that you like each other. Think of his family as acquaintances. You don’t have to be close

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  • kamus_girl said:


    I have a step mother like you, all his and mine. JUST STOP IT. your married whats his is yours and whats your is his. they are your children not his or yours but both of yours together.

    whether you know it or not, the misbehavior probably comes from you giving your biological son more attention, and giving your step son A LOT less than that. So he reacts by doing bad things because its the only way to get your attention

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  • Julie-Anne said:


    go visit your dad. Let him be a big jerk all by himself… then he wont have you around to torture some more. I know what it’s like for the dad to take his kid’s side over your own… very wrong!

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  • 1 Hot Momma said:


    The choice is yours, but if you go to your Dad’s the fight is probably going to get much worse. If it were me – I would go with him and then go see your Dad together. In my opinion he is wrong, but peace is more important than being right.

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  • migamw said:


    First,rather than to continue to ignore it,you need to sit him down and remind him whose house is being painted.You should be choosing the colors with him.and,you need to discuss the discipline of the child with him and if he doesnt want to do that call the childs mother and all of you can get it out in the open.Id also ask about tomorrows plans,and if he acts like an a**,let your son give him the mug and go see your own father.Good Luck!

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  • Maria G said:


    Ask yourself: whose relationship is more important to you, your dad or your husband? Obviously your Dad is your Dad, but if you and your husband are having problems, you need to talk them through. Write down what made YOU upset and do not include his family. Make it only about you and him and tell him that you want to make things right. Maybe a compromise is in order…why don’t you try to do both? Then everyone is happy and you don’t have to take anything away from his family.

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  • jill_tomlin2000 said:


    let him do what he wants to do

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