Comments on: What Do You Do With A Defiant Preteen Boy?

By: Hello Peps

Hello Peps — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:10:54 +0000

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By: Lauren

Lauren — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:35:15 +0000

I believe in ask tell make. First I would ask him to do it, then tell and then make. I work out so I hope to be stronger than my son till he is out of school.

By: .Social Distortion.

.Social Distortion. — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:57:19 +0000

I don’t think grounding is an affective way to punish kids.
Try making him do physical labor, like mowing the grass on weekends, cleaning the house, etc. Things that kids don’t like to do.

By: Sue

Sue — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:12:48 +0000

well, seeing as i’m around that age, i can be of some help. the sneaking around is just what people our age do, it makes everything so much fun, for example, you’re aloud to go out on friday night and your parents know who you’re with and they approve and everything, but then you tell them you’re going to be late (but dont give a reason) and they ask why and you sort of act like your lying and say ‘traffic” but there really is trafic and thats the reason, but it just makes you seem more mysterious and cooler, if you catch my drift. i know, that example wasnt that great… but its all i can think of. or, its like when little kids are aloud to have one cookie that night, but to get the cookie, they sneak downstairs and grab it without making a sound… so pretty much all im trying to get at is that being sneaky creates a higher adrenaline rush and therefor makes everything more interesting.
as for the grounding, i would have to say no. all the adults think that we learn our lesson from grounding, but really we just use the time to sleep, catch up on homework and listen to music. it pretty much gives us a break from all the drama and everything going on so it makes a good excuse to not go out of the house and get in trouble or have to see/interact with people you dont like or you’re having an issue with at the time.
pretty much, just talk to your son about what you think is going on, try to talk mroe openly to him and allow him a little wiggle room so he doesnt need to sneak around as much to get the adrenaline rush and hw knows he has a wider variety of possibilitys to choose from each day knowing he wont get in trouble but they are still fun.
just try to create a more open and stronger connection with him and he’ll know you’re always there for him and come to you with all his little problems and issues and what not.
hope this helped
Kirsten

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:05:41 +0000

You don’t give much information about what these sneaky things are. But if he is being defiant, he does need a consequence for it.
Remember, there is a difference. You should not give a consequence for stupidity, just for defiance, disobedience and disrespect.
Once you have established that the behaviors are definitely defiant, then you could possibly ground him for a few days.
Whenever I ground my teenagers I always give them a chance to lessen the consequence for good behavior during the week. Teens love that you are trying to help them out.
If all else fails, trey the Total Tramsformation program. This has done wonders for my teenagers and has great strategies to deal with defiance particularly. I wish you well