Help. Do you think it is fair?
A Parent asks, Help me I live on a farm out of town. My parents never take me to into town or to the beach. And i have nothing to do and I’m lonely because I can never see my friends outside of school the only way I can keep in contact is Msn. They do the same thing to my siblings. And then we have this other house in this estate thing which is even further out of town with no mobile reception and no internet. And there is no one there my age! And my mum is severely unsocial she has hardly any friends, and she drinks allot, and she sneaks smokes and my dad doesn’t know. And I’m afraid that my siblings will develop social problems because my brother plays severely violent army playstation games and the other day he threatened to blow my other brothers head off. They are in primary school & I can see that problems are arising in there learning and social situations. I really want us as a family to work it out. But she won’t listen and just screams at me to leave the room
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if your old enough get a car
you need to talk to your school counselor, and your mom needs help, and your dad is probably in denial about his family, talking to someone at your school won’t get you or your family split up or broken up, but it may be able to help you. You are very smart and you should get the chance to be a kid and it sounds like you are an adult, remember to pray for your family every night. And if you don’t want to talk to a counselor talk to a preacher, priest, Reverend, whom ever!!
Contact alateen for help in dealing with your mother. Talk to your dad about the problem when he’s in a good mood.
There are two ways I would consider going about it, depending on what I thought my parent’s reaction would be. Both of them require you to be calm and reasonable and not resort to any blaming or name calling.
The first one is the mature way, in a family meeting. In this way I would present to my parents a very reasonable explanation and reasoning for why I wanted to go out, and how I was planning on going about it without their help. Ask them for permission in a calm manner, having through through their arguments, when they are in a calm mood.
The other way is a little sneakier. It also requires you to be calm and reasonable. If you present things maturely, you are more likely to get a reasonable answer. This way, you are only asking for permission for one thing / event at a time. Tell them, so and so wants to go to the movies / church function / dinner / hayride / haunted house, and they are willing to drive me. Can I go? Make sure you follow every rule, and come back on time. You want to build trust here. Sometimes people just need to handle change more slowly, one step at a time, and realize it isn’t as bad as they were expecting.
If that step is too fast, you might want an intermediate step of inviting your friends to spend time at your house. Again with the building trust, following rules, no name calling mature manner. If you think your house isn’t clean enough for friends, I’m sure your parents wouldn’t mind if you cleaned it.
Well, I grew up in a city, but no one liked me becuase of my accent, but I had my brother and sister to play with. Family is what matters. It’s going to \get better when you get a job and a car. Your mother is probably frustrated with having your siblings around, she needs to get help from you and your siblings, Help around the house and she’ll probably take you out more often, because you deserve it.
Try talking to your father. It that dosn’t work, find a teacher or other adult you can trust. It sounds like your family may need counseling.
You make several really pretty pertinent points. If your father became more aware of your mother’s problems and brother’s problems would he strive to help them? If the situation doesn’t get better and gets worse a word to a social worker, person of appropriate clergy, close relative or appropriate neighbor might lead to help.
ask one of your teachers for info or speak to your guidance counsellor and ask them what you should do. it sounds like your family really needs some ongoing support. maybe they can speak to your parents and maybe even get a support worker to inter-vein and help you, your parents and the family as a whole. apart from that ask your school for the number to kids help line. although they may cause more trouble. you really have to think about what weight you want to carry on your shoulders.
It is not fair. Be normal and tell someone that has the power to change it.
get out and ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun away! cut the apron strings noooooow!
TRY TALKING TO A SCHOOL COUNSLER. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK TRY GETTING SOME HELP FROM YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT. YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS SHOULD NOT BE SUBJECTED TO THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR EXPECALLY FROM AN ADULT…
I’m sorry to read about your circumstances. No. It isn’t fair. Parents should be more involved in their children’s lives. Your parents ought to be providing you with things to do that are both fun and challenging. Living in the exurbs can be excruciatingly boring for children, especially teenagers. You seem wise beyond your years to be able to recognize the social and emotional disadvantages that have been imposed upon you and your siblings. Life isn’t fair, however, and it’s things like this that one must rise above and learn from that makes one’s life richer and worth living. Make the best of it and stay true to yourself. In addition, school may or may not be a place for you to seek help from counselors, depending on how you feel about opening up to someone in person. It’s true that many people in the inner cities envy those that live in the peace and quiet of “the country”. Take care-
Definitely it is not fair. But, hey, there is much in life that is not fair. You are sensitive and concerned for your family. Looks like you can handle it and this will make you stronger. But if you really can’t handle it, do as the others have told you, seek help from outside: your teachers, guidance counsellors or a priest.
Sounds to me like you have alot of psychological and emotional abuse going on in your home. Also the CONTROL issue is prevalent too.
Seek out your counselor or your minister of your church or school. If you have Department of Children and Family Services or Childrens Protective Services—they should be notified too.
Your parents need to know that what they are doing is wrong. Where does your DAD stand in the equation——Why isn’t he stepping up to the plate and helping get you to school social events or entertainment outside the good old HEE HAW heaven that you live in?
Don’t your friends come to your house? Invite a group over for a sleep over—–
The violence in the video games that your siblings are alowed to view is also disturbing. I’d make sure these games disappeared or accidentally got broken! Your parents need a wake-up call on these violent games! You know your mothers cigerretes could accidently burn the game up!
ur family needs some therapy, ur brother is definately going to have rage issues he already is making threats & violence is what he is learning to solve his problems & get his way. if u can not talk to ur mom then u need to find someone (teacher, counselor) that u can confide in. what about dad? u tried talking to him? ur family is headed for self destruction if u do not speak out. do u go to church? u could speak to a pastor…………please do not blow this off, seek help before it is too late for ur family, it is obvious u love them or u would not be reaching out for help
Try to let your father know that you’re scared that your other siblings and you might become antisocial and that you want everyone to be a family and that you think that the whole family needs to go to counseling and slao let your father know that your mom is a alcoholic and smokes too much.
Its very important to realize that you cant change other people, do as much as you can to be supportive of your sibblings, and be a good roll model. Most people didnt have a good relationship with their parents as children. But what doesnt break us only makes us stronger.
I am so sorry. If your mum drinks a lot, she may suffer from alcoholism, I have been there, my mom used to drink everyday and she was very unsocial. Her drinking(if it is that often) may be the root of the problem and she needs help. Have you tried talking to your dad? If not, maybe you should, he may be able to get help for her. In any event, feel free to talk to your school counselor, she or he may be able to help. Also, find out if your school has activities after school hours, there may be a bus that would drive you home or maybe another mother would. This would help you and your siblings socialize a little more than just school. If things get really bad you may want to talk to someone from social services. You are right your siblings will not be able to act sociable and playing such violent games can have a long term effect on them. I hope everything works out for you. Make sure you talk to your school counselor.
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