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What To Say/do When A Friend Loses Her Full-term Baby?

9 October 2009 9 Responses

A Parent asks, I just found out that a friend lost her full-term baby during delivery last night. I want to convey my sadness for her and her husband, but I don’t know if it is appropriate to call or send flowers. If I talk to her, what should I say? I can’t begin to imagine the pain of carrying a child for nine months only to lose it in the delivery room…

9 Responses »

  • Bunny*Ru said:


    Thats terrible for her….something like that would crush you! I couldnt imagine that. Definately dont call because thats not personal enough. You could buy her a plant or a rose instead so she can plant it somewhere and feel close to the baby she lost. Sometimes u dont need to say much but by making yourself available and simply hugging and letting her know u care and are there if she needs you will mean alot. And dont forget about her in a month, she will need your shoulder for alot longer. Even maker her meals little things mean alot.
    Just want to add that i had an ectopic pregnancy and i have a teddy bear (given when i found out i was preg) and also a small vase with flowers now dried that remind me of the baby.

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  • nicole said:


    i have a friend that lost her full term baby boy, it was very difficult to comfort her i let her know i was there for her but i also gave her space she came to me when she was ready.

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  • Cassandra S said:


    only thing you can say, is that you are there for her and her husband…just be there. that is all she needs….Turthfully nothing you or anyone will say will be comforting to her…not for a long long time….if she rejects your at first, dont take it personal….just say I dont want to bother you….but I am here for you. and whatever you need I will be here to give.
    Good luck…so sorry to hear about your friends loss, this will be a hard thing for all of you.

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  • MZ02 said:


    you need to go see her, hug her be there for her, cry with her, support her, there are no right words to say it will never be enough, listen to what she has to say and go from there i could never imagine dealing with this it is heart breaking, whatever you do do not say well you’ll have another someday, thatis probably the last thing she wants to hear…..

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  • plcl3200 said:


    You don’t say if you live near-by. Please don’t send anything, they don’t need to deal with stuff, right now. If you call, ask him–not her–if you can come over, and if you can, just sit quietly with her and let her cry on you. Don’t talk unless she initiates any remarks, and keep your replys brief and loving.
    Bring food, anything is fine, but hot-dishes are best. Use plates or bowls you don’t require returned. And if you’re a good friend, continue to bring food as well as any supplies she may need.
    Let her husband do what he needs to do to support them.
    And continue not to offer advice. Just be there, let her cry on you. This is a quick answer, I’m sure there are other ideas, too.

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  • Angele Kore said:


    Don’t call I am sure she isn’t up to talking. She must be devastated, poor thing. Maybe you can bring her dinner or send her a card and flwoer letting her know you are there for her.

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  • volcomgr said:


    Nothing U can do or say my momma’s friend lost her baby in an early birth I think it was a month early she greived and greived but now she wound up pregnant after only a year they told her to wait a few years or untill she thought she was ready to try again and she was on birth control and used condoms but now she is pregnant again all U can do is be there for her (I’d pray for her too but I don’t know if u or her or religious so ya……..) But in any case I will pray for her! any way good luck

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  • Pamela Michele said:


    Don’t need to say anything, nothing will sound right. Just be there for her, let her do the talking when she is ready. I’m sorry…

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  • mom_of_n said:


    If possible, go see her. Give them both a hug. Tell them you’re so very sorry for their lose. Let them know you are there for them if they ever need you. When she get out of the hospital, bring over some food. Offer to run errands for her, etc. I think you get the idea. She will be in no condition to do much. Once you ascess the situtation, then you’ll know when to step back or help. Remember, they need time to grieve.

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