My Bbrother wants to be adopted by my Aparents as an adult?
A Parent asks, I have 5 siblings who were kept by my birth parents. They all to varying degrees have problems including substance abuse, PTSD, and depression as a result of their upbringing.
But my younger brother has always had the most difficulty coping. He was abused badly by our birth parents and always resented the fact that they kept him and our other siblings while I was placed for adoption and got a great life.
My parents have welcomed all my siblings into my life from an early age, and they got very close to my brother and were parent figures to him throughout his teen years. He is now 35 and finally starting to receive counseling for his problems. Out of the blue he phoned me up and asked if my parents would adopt him as an adult
I can totally see where he is coming from but am slightly concerned that it is a knee jerk reaction from his therapy. He has spent a lot of time with my family since being very young, and even now he spends all the holidays with us, but I still think it’s a big step for him to just jump in to.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think it’s something he should seriously consider or just put on hold for now?
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What would be the point? While I think it is very important that he is going through therapy, doing an adult adoption just seems….I dunno…sort of like a way to pretend. Its not he will forget about the abuse he endured if your ap’s adopt him. Im confused though- if he was abused so badly, why was he not taken away from your bios?
It seems like a knee jerk reaction to me.
eta for Jane D. I dont need to be reminded of anything. Adult adoption is STILL adoption. It makes no sense. It will not erase your natural family, and you will not be related to your adoptive family, other than on paper. I think it’s a dumb idea for ANYONE. I can totally understand changing one’s name, but adoption is adoption…which is STILL a legal lie. If someone’s family abused them when they younger, then you cut ties with them. As an adult, you can decide whom you wish to call family.
I think if your bro wants to be able to decide who his family is as an adult, thats his choice. No, it won’t undo the abuse but it might feel empowering to be able to make that choice. No different than adoptees being adopted back because they were adopted by abusive people. I wouldnt call it pointless, at long as he’s thought it through. It’s not like he’s powerless.
And I need to remind LinnyG that lots of kids are left in abusive homes. Not all abuse is reported and even if it is lots of abusive parents are really good liars.
Yes I think it is something you all should seriously consider. I have a relative who adopted a teenager.The teens sister had been placed in another foster home but was never adopted by her foster family and when she turned 18 she asked if her sister’s family would be interested in adopting her so she could be a part of the family too. She was adopted 6 months later and they all are a happy family now.
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